There are some days, when waking up I find eyelids heavy, the region above the eyebrows constricting with a slight dull ache, that feels more like I am just imagining. A slight pain in the throat, that feels more like mounds of emotions arrested right there, neither going down, nor out. And the thinker starts thinking.
What could it be, anything wrong? Is it something residual from the previous day. And the previous day enacts in the mind. Sometimes the previous day does have some silly incident, many times it does not. Well, I try to distract the voice throwing too many questions in my mind with some song, and what song do I choose? That most pathetic song, that always brings out sweet bitter memories, and so the mind starts delving deeper into those memories, with questions thrown judiciously, on why the hell did I behave the way I did.
Shouldn't I have been more sensible, more intelligent. How could I be so stupid and easy going? How life would have changed had I behaved differently... Or may be not, Life might have still been worse than now. All the while the song goes on and on, and gets struck somewhere. What were the lines actually... And I try repeating the previous lines, and wonder is it this word or that. How could I have forgotten the lyrics so easily. Does it mean the song doesn’t hold anything more to it now... Or am I forgetting things?
No... Wait.. I can't be forgetting, I used to have such good memory. Ask me anyone's birthday or anniversary and I would give the entire family's. Isn't it serious then, that I forgot a few words from my favorite song? Is it age? Am I getting old? God, I know I am growing old day after day, but not like this. So soon I forget things at 40. But then, it is almost two-thirds of an average normal person's life. I have lived 40 years... Have I? And so soon I have turned forgetful, yes I remember, I kept searching for my specs, all the while wearing it, my son did point that out. The other day I kept searching for the locker keys that I had placed somewhere securely.
Well, need to accept the fact that nowadays I have started noting down simplest of things to be remembered, only sad part being I forget where I noted them down. Oh come on, I am just 40. I have such young kids. Oh God, what would they do if I leave them at such an early age. And as I try doing all these chores thinking, questioning, replying and worrying, Dad asks me, "Are you on leave today?". I say, "Why would I? I have already taken my sick and casual leaves, what is left for me?" and then alarmingly turn towards the clock to find I hardly have 10 minutes to leave home.
Was it a crappy day... Or did I make it one?
What could it be, anything wrong? Is it something residual from the previous day. And the previous day enacts in the mind. Sometimes the previous day does have some silly incident, many times it does not. Well, I try to distract the voice throwing too many questions in my mind with some song, and what song do I choose? That most pathetic song, that always brings out sweet bitter memories, and so the mind starts delving deeper into those memories, with questions thrown judiciously, on why the hell did I behave the way I did.
Shouldn't I have been more sensible, more intelligent. How could I be so stupid and easy going? How life would have changed had I behaved differently... Or may be not, Life might have still been worse than now. All the while the song goes on and on, and gets struck somewhere. What were the lines actually... And I try repeating the previous lines, and wonder is it this word or that. How could I have forgotten the lyrics so easily. Does it mean the song doesn’t hold anything more to it now... Or am I forgetting things?
No... Wait.. I can't be forgetting, I used to have such good memory. Ask me anyone's birthday or anniversary and I would give the entire family's. Isn't it serious then, that I forgot a few words from my favorite song? Is it age? Am I getting old? God, I know I am growing old day after day, but not like this. So soon I forget things at 40. But then, it is almost two-thirds of an average normal person's life. I have lived 40 years... Have I? And so soon I have turned forgetful, yes I remember, I kept searching for my specs, all the while wearing it, my son did point that out. The other day I kept searching for the locker keys that I had placed somewhere securely.
Well, need to accept the fact that nowadays I have started noting down simplest of things to be remembered, only sad part being I forget where I noted them down. Oh come on, I am just 40. I have such young kids. Oh God, what would they do if I leave them at such an early age. And as I try doing all these chores thinking, questioning, replying and worrying, Dad asks me, "Are you on leave today?". I say, "Why would I? I have already taken my sick and casual leaves, what is left for me?" and then alarmingly turn towards the clock to find I hardly have 10 minutes to leave home.
Was it a crappy day... Or did I make it one?
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