Ranting about your silence, your absence... always filled me with
you... Starting the day knowing it would be one more
that goes - how inconsequential you have become, how life moves on
without you, how my days have changed, how this... how that... and as the sun sets
and moon makes her prominence, thoughts go haywire and... heart rules.
It makes me guiltier
of everything I said and not said. It starts pricking me with thorny words, how could you have hurled
those silly, insolent, vulgar, pointless, inane words at him it asks. You know,
It mocks at me, calls me an undeserving soul. Yes... probably nothing was all I
deserved. I know... I was so mean. I am no goodness personified... I was never good
to you, just been profoundly imprudent.
Well, today was different... and miracles happen(?). Standing at the same place where you
very understandingly said it would suffice if I just listened to you, at almost
the same time today, when you fuss over my breakfast... was when it happened.
Of course you didn’t break your silence, I didn’t nag either, while your words
are always (shouldn't it be, have been?) the most intoxicating for me... your silence was weed to me today.
It’s been a lovely day... another lovely day and another doesn’t
make it any less... it is just that, there have been so many lovely days... It
feels more like a miracle today. I am feeling so thankful, overwhelmingly
blessed, and what not. The very moment my thoughts took pride in labeling me an
atheist, God with his benevolent hands gives me a hearty slap and smirks at me,
asking...”...Really?”
With tears in my eyes, here goes another prayer to Him, for
his exceptional love for me, thanking heartily... and yet again feeling that I
am his blessed child... ready to argue, ready to shout and ever ready to cry.